Due to a phenomenal glitch in the Colorado Supreme Court’s beta system, I found out a few weeks earlier than scheduled that I passed the UBE Bar Exam.

Where to begin? No, seriously. I don’t know where to start. I guess I should thank everyone for the love and support, but…let’s be honest…this was all me. My beautiful ass worked hard and created my success.

This victory means more to me than any other victory I’ve had (well, except for that time I was potty-trained because nothing will beat that). I am passionate and hardworking, so naturally, I deserve to be an attorney. I’ve dedicated my career to helping indigent people. And, everyone knows I was born to be a public defender. So, when I failed the Bar Exam the first time, it shattered me. However, I picked myself up pretty quickly. As I wrote in the Joys of Failing, “Failure teaches you humility. Failure teaches you courage. Failure teaches you confidence.” But, what has success taught me other than I am awesome?

I guess I could write about my journey to my passing score. I started studying early because I worked part-time. I got carpal tunnel while studying. I had two dogs with me for emotional support. Additionally, I got a tutor for my weak subjects and did this “essay cooking” technique. I forced myself to take one day off a week to focus on my mental health. Also, I wrote some blog posts. My friends recommended that I get deep tissue massages and do aerial yoga. That’s it…see, not that exciting.

Being an esquire has made me feel taller. I told my family that my esquire-ness has turned me into a monster, so they should avoid me. They agreed with that statement. Honestly, I am truly struggling with what to write about. Maybe I am feeling a sense of completeness. Or, I am not as talented as I think I am. It’s probably the former.

The truth is that overcoming obstacles is more challenging, which gives me a lot more to say. Success has always been a nice “pat on the back”, but true character comes out when you’re going through tough times. My friends didn’t judge me for my failures, instead showered me with love and support when I needed it. Their reaction showed me what true friendship means. My family stood by me and made sure I had everything I needed to succeed. My mentor called me a hero…again (honestly, I feel like I am his mentor at this point). When we are at our lowest points, we discover not only our true selves but also our true supporters. Not once did I feel pathetic, alone, or unaccomplished. I maintained the same level of confidence.  

I am pretty sure my ego got bigger. Yeah, you should all be scared or rolling your eyes at me. My ego is Godzilla-size now. (I can’t wait to use my esquire-ness to crush my enemies…it’s gonna be great.) With hard work and dedication, I am going to be the best public defender for my clients. With my Godzilla-size ego, I will fight many battles for them until true justice is accomplished. Now, there is nothing in my way from fulfilling my dreams. Yet, I am still grasping for straws while writing this. In reality, no one is going to say, “that chick got a 281 UBE score, she’s awesome.” Instead, they’re going to put up a tough fight against me in court while I represent my clients’ needs. I’ll be fighting so much that the Bar Exam will be a distant memory.

Image from Maansi Srivastava’s Instagram Page

As I stated earlier, this victory means the most to me. But, why am I struggling to write about it? So, maybe success for me is a “pat on the back” and a reminder that I am going to fight a lot more battles up ahead. Maybe success is arbitrary because it’s personal. Maybe overcoming obstacles is the best part of any journey, and success is simply frosting on the cake that my friends will bake for me.

That’s all for now. Stay tuned. 

Published by Nikita Srivastava

a passionate feminist and social justice warrior who occasionally calls herself a goddess. She received her JD in 2019 and became licensed to practice law in 2020.

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