I don’t feel like an adult.

Have you all seen While We’re Young? No? Eh, doesn’t matter. It’s a pretty okay movie. Anyways, there is a moment in the movie where the main characters describe their adulthood as “a child pretending to be an adult.” And, quite frankly, that’s how I feel…like, all the time.

I’m financially independent. Not afraid to ask for help. Always pay my bills on-time. Also, I don’t avoid confrontation. I am not on my parent’s health insurance for Pete’s sake! Full-on adult, right? Yes. Then, why don’t I feel like one? Rather, is there such a feeling of adulthood?

When you’re an anxious person, everything can overwhelm you especially when it’s new or foreign to you. Naturally, I’ve felt that way when dealing with adult issues while tackling my anxiety. I’ve heard people say, “you’re an adult, stop acting like children.” What does that mean exactly? My guess: stop fighting and sort out your problems. But, is that what adults do? Sort out problems. If so, then…never mind.

Or, does adulthood kick in when you’re responsible for another life? I have two dogs (possibly a cat when my sister finally admits her cat loves me more than anyone else on the planet) who depend on me for everything. But, I have been taking care of dogs since I was 16 years old. So, was I an adult then? Oh, goddess, I hope not. Maybe it means parenthood…but I have no children (that I know of). So, I am not an adult?

I’ve researched and relied on other people’s experiences, but have no idea what being an adult feels like. As of now, all I know is that I am going through the motions of adulthood. Simply put, I am hitting all the major checklist items. I am working, I am financially independent, and I can watch rated R movies without supervision.

That’s all I have for now. Just felt like sharing instead of working on my other complex posts. Stay tuned for more of my rambling.

Published by Nikita Srivastava

a passionate feminist and social justice warrior who occasionally calls herself a goddess. She received her JD in 2019 and became licensed to practice law in 2020.

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