I wish I was less political. I wish I could say, “I stopped watching the news because it makes me sad.” I wish I could say, “I do my civic duty by voting but that’s it.” I wish I could wake up every morning thinking the bare minimum was enough.

I wish I was less political. I wish I could act like I was smarter than both parties. I wish I could tell people it’s their fault for having faith in the democratic process. I wish I could villainize people for their mistakes or call “career politicians” evil.

I wish I was less political. I wish I could act as though an unbalanced Supreme Court would not affect me or the rights of so many. I wish I could wake up every morning knowing that my government won’t make laws telling me what I could do with my body, who I couldn’t marry, and if I could get health care. I wish I didn’t care about immigration and equal representation. I wish I could be so blissfully ignorant to all of it because it does affect me.

I wish I was less political so I could sleep better at night. I wish I was less political so I could watch anything but the horrible events happening in the world. I wish I was less political so I didn’t have to deal with our democracy crumbling even more than it has. I wish I was less political so I could live fearlessly. I wish I was less political so I could focus solely on my self-interests as if they would never go away.

However, I am political. I watch the news, keep myself informed, urge people to vote and get involved. I am political so I can scare people off with my ambition and drive. I am political so my friends and enemies’ rights are protected. I am political because I need to wake up every morning knowing the truth: that my democracy hates not only me, but also so many of us.

I am political knowing that I cannot change people. I am political knowing that change doesn’t come from yelling at people to look at the racism, sexism, transphobia and homophobia of our current leadership. I am political knowing that change doesn’t come from uncovering sexual assaults, tax violations, or disrespecting our veterans. I am political knowing that change comes from within. I am political knowing that once the fear of losing your selfish needs goes away, you can see that larger picture.

I am not happy that I am political. But, I know my wish of being less political will never come true. And, for that, I am grateful but terrified.

Published by Nikita Srivastava

a passionate feminist and social justice warrior who occasionally calls herself a goddess. She received her JD in 2019 and became licensed to practice law in 2020.

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