If nothing we do matters, then all that matters is what we do.

Hope. That seems to be lost theses days. Everywhere you look, you see COVID-19 deaths, incompetent leadership and a passive community. From protests to voter awareness, everyone is trying to inspire change. However, 2020 smacks us in the face every time we try to do something right. Yes, 2020 sucks for many reasons: COVID-19 and celebrity deaths. Although voter turn out is at an all time high, I am not convinced that anything will change. I am convinced that we still haven’t hit rock bottom yet.

Recently, I re-watched the entire Dark Knight Trilogy. Each of those films show Batman failing then rising from the ashes. He hits rock bottom then climbs back up. His heroism inspires all to be heroes in their own way. Whether it be fighting against oppression or simply seeing the humanity in others, the people of Gotham stood up for each other. They didn’t do this by passing invasive laws or militarizing the police. Instead, they showed their strength through their everyday actions. The people of Gotham showed that our choice to be better than what the villains claim we are fights injustice. In The Good Place, Michael summarizes humanity by saying that it does not matter if people are good or bad. Rather, what matters is if human beings are trying to be better today than yesterday. In the Dreamworks’ movie, Spies in Disguise, one of the main characters doesn’t see the world as good guys v. bad guys. Instead, the world is filled with people who are each worth saving.

However, those films and shows give us immediate and instant happy endings. We see that everything works out. But, our reality isn’t like that. From not indicting Breonna Taylor’s murderers for murder to Amy Comet Barrett’s confirmation to the Supreme Court, it seems that all hope is lost. I’ve mentally prepared myself for another 4 years of Donald Trump. Even worse, I’ve prepared myself for years of regression.

I continuously preach that we all need to get involved. And, when we all come together, then we can inspire real change. Recently, my spirit was crushed when Justice Barrett got confirmed. I retreated to old habits to decrease my stress. I fall sleep with the TV on or stop watching the news. I am trying to escape this reality in hopes that everything will work itself out. But, deep down, I know it won’t. I don’t see any grand changes. Or, any progress.

Moreover, I cannot hear another person says they voted for Donald Trump because they’re worried about the economy. When I hear that, all I hear is, “I am worried about myself and cannot comment on the other stuff.” I see compliancy. Also, I see uninformed voters who don’t know how to review policy. Those voters see themselves as the exception, not the rule.

I’ve lost the motivation to campaign or donate. I don’t want to hear anymore political platforms. Hell, I don’t even want to talk politics anymore! Instead of wishing for simpler times, I used to wish for a better future. Simply put, I wanted to fast forward into the future where everything is fine. But, that’s not how this works.

I feel like nothing I do matters. I’m a relatively good person. Nothing I do is malicious (only sometimes). I try to be respectful and kind to everyone I met, even the ones who aren’t to me. Throughout my work, I show passion and compassion. I’m dedicated and put in the effort. But, no matter how many good things I do or how hard I work, the world is still a shitty place.

I know things won’t change instantly if Joe Biden is President. I know that I will still face daily microaggressions from people who claim to be progressive as all hell. I know that criminal justice reform will take forever and those immigrant children may never find their parents…It will take centuries to undue all the discrimination that’s occurred for centuries.

Marginalized groups will continuously be told that they need to adjust and adapt to the discriminatory behavior. Because, goddess forbid, we ask those who discriminate to be better. We are not allowed to change the status quo. Those with privilege will always be defended instead of asked to reflect. Society will tell us that ill-informed people don’t have experience living in diverse areas, hence, they don’t understand the other side. Simply put, this excuses them from their bad behavior. However, marginalized groups know that education reform would fix that behavior. FUCK, even those in power know that education reform will fix everything. But, they cannot have that because they will lose power. They know withholding information keeps them in power.

If nothing we do matters – voting, protesting, advocating – then all that matters is what we do. The world will never be perfect. Life will present us with one obstacle after another. There is no driving off into the sunset like in the movies or shows, but driving into the next battle. It’s overwhelming and exhausting. However, each obstacle makes us stronger and resilient. Is it fair that the world is continuously shitty to marginalized groups? Absolutely not! But, this is a consequence we are trying to fix. So, it matters what we do. It matters that we vote, protest and advocate. Also, it matters that we educate and challenge those around us. We try to inspire so we don’t back in-time where only one group had everything when the rest of us had nothing.

It’s a sad reality. And, as of now, I’ve lost all motivation to pray and fight for a better reality. It’s time for me to take a little break then get right back to fighting the good fight.

That’s all for now. Stay safe.

Published by Nikita Srivastava

a passionate feminist and social justice warrior who occasionally calls herself a goddess. She received her JD in 2019 and became licensed to practice law in 2020.

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