The Nikita Initiative

Being A Public Defender, Not A Princess

Twas the eve before Princess Nikita started her job. She didn’t lay in her canopy bed that resided at the castle. Instead, she laid in a different one with her mind drifting to anxious thoughts. These thoughts kept her up at night like those monsters under her bed when she was five years old. Princess Nikita had not grown up with the burdens of fending for herself, let alone others. The King and Queen didn’t kick her out of the castle nor force her to change. Instead, Princess Nikita walked away from the castle’s alluring comfort. So, she wondered why she was so anxious.

On Monday, June 29^th, your girl will officially start her job as Deputy State Public Defender! Yes, her big girl job. The one with healthcare benefits and a 401(K)-pension plan. And, the one you’ve all been waiting for me to start so I stop bugging you with these blog posts. Luckily, I am passionate about being a public defender. But I am still extremely nervous about starting this job. I had the fortunate experience of working at a clinic in my 3L year where I got to be a public defender for a school year. However, this isn’t the same. The responsibility is very different.

When choosing to move across the country, I knew that my entire life would change. For those who know me, I’ve been a princess-in-training my whole life. Other than the obvious ethnic minority woman struggles I’ve faced in a white-dominant workforce, I’m pretty privileged. In fact, I am so spoiled that one of my best friends violently threw a book at me titled, Thin Rich Pretty. Nope, she didn’t mean it as a compliment. It was a full-on “fuck you, bitch” book. (It was Lylan “Jessica” Nguyen who threw the book at me for those wondering. You’ve all have met her before on my blog. She’s kind of okay.)

Friendships and Harassment: My Journey to Alamosa, Colorado

Starting a new chapter in your life can be overwhelming by itself. However, when surrounded by loved ones, it’s not as overwhelming. Naturally, I was very thrilled when my dad and two of our closet family friends decided to help me move to Alamosa, Colorado. My dad invited another one of his best friends who I’ve only met maybe twice in my life. For this blog post, I will call him Dumbass McCreeperson. (Don’t ask me how I come up with these names. I am just very talented.) Uncle Dumbass loves Colorado and claims to know the state very well. He also loves long-distance night time driving, which allowed us to get from Dayton, Ohio to Alamosa, Colorado in a mere 22 hours. (Yeah, I am still recovering from that drive.) However, I quickly discovered that Uncle Dumbass lived up to his fictional name within the first 5 minutes of speaking with him.

Uncle Dumbass stated that he loves me like a daughter. That, and his friendship with my dad, are the reasons he’s helping me move. At this point, you should not be wondering why my post is called Friendships and Harassment. Look at what I named this guy. Buckle on up because this going to get hella creepy.

Cis Gender Fragility

Harry Potter and the Scorn of the TERF

Beloved author J.K. Rowling learned that many people across the globe don’t agree with her opinions on transgender rights movement. Although we’ve embraced Harry Potter with open arms, we slammed the door closed on Rowling’s transphobia. Her transphobia didn’t suddenly appear. Throughout the years, she’s made small remarks about her transphobia. However, during Pride Month, Rowling showed the world her true feelings about transactivism. When I asked one of my friends if she’d seen Rowling’s Tweets, she asked if Rowling had been hacked. After telling her no, my friend told me that people should quietly educate themselves instead of openly showing their ignorance. I couldn’t agree more!

I first gave Rowling the benefit of the doubt. Like Luna Lovegood, Evanna Lynch, urged her fans, I chose not to hate on Rowling or “cancel her.” Many stars associated with the Potter franchise came out against Rowling’s statements but didn’t villainize her. This refreshing approach made me believe that she would come around. However, instead of apologizing or educating herself, Rowling released an essay defending her statements. After I read it, I concluded that Rowling suffers from “cis gender fragility.” (I’ve might have made up this term, but it’s a pretty good way to describe her transphobia.)

Curing White Guilt

Spoiler alert: there may be no cure.

Simply put, white guilt is the individual or collective guilt felt by some white people for harm resulting from racist treatment. With the current situation, many white people may be feeling an intense version of this guilt. While some may channel this guilt into productivity (such as educating and advocating), others may react defensively by claiming “All Lives Matter,” or “Blue Lives Matter.” Also, some may stay silent or neutral on the matter.

I’ve seen the two latter reactions of white guilt. And, heard of the former. Recently, however, a close friend of mine reached out when struggling to deal with her white guilt during Bar Exam prep. To be clear, she reached out to vent about not receiving help from other white people when dealing with her guilt. Not to make the movement about her whiteness.

Ally

I will not stand in the way of justice.

I will not be another obstacle or hurdle.

I will not begin to say, “I know exactly what you’re going through,” or “this is true in all communities.”

I will not compare our racisms.

I will not diminish your experiences because they make me uncomfortable.

I will not stay silent.

Educate Yourself On Black Lives Matter

It’s not enough to say, “I voted for Obama,” or argue on Facebook.

Not going to lie. Addressing privilege is the hardest task ever. But, addressing white privilege…is even worse especially when you’re a brown person criticizing that privilege. Before I begin, addressing white privilege is NOT AN ATTACK on the white race. It’s simply criticizing the sociological frame that promotes this privilege in all races and cultures. My goal is to not alienate a group of people. Rather, I am extending an olive branch by sharing resources to help all of us make informed decisions. It’s not a “us v. them” situation because addressing white privilege helps all of us. Educating yourself on the Black Lives Matter movement benefits the collective need which will help everyone.

If you’re ready to feel uncomfortable and fight your defensive urges, then please continue to read on.

The Half of It: Movie Review

A GenZ teen film that I can re-watch several times.

When a book smart, but short on cash, Ellie Chu decides to help a jock win over his crush, she doesn’t expect to fall for his crush. In the Half of It, Ellie is a modern-day shy-teenage-girl. Instead of having toilet paper stuck to her shoe or being constantly teased, Ellie keeps to herself and occasionally gets called “choo-choo.” As the only Chinese-American girl in her town, Ellie stands out like a sore thumb. But, she can blend into a crowd with no questions asked. Although Ellie enjoys writing and keeping to herself, the audience can tell something is missing in her life. When Paul asks Ellie for her help to win over Aster, Ellie learns the importance of letting people in.

For those who want no spoilers, then stop reading now.

Glorious Female Warriors

We stand together because we naturally come together.

Why do I hate her? A question I frequently asked myself while growing up. As a kid, my parents didn’t care about the gender of my friends until I entered middle school. With raging hormones and never-ending puberty, my parents felt it best to separate me from the opposite sex (probably something they wish they could still do). So, I ended up hanging out with the girls in my class. And, when I say, “hanging out,” I mean sitting alone at the lunch tables or study rooms and eavesdropping on their conversations while I did other things.

When you’re insecure about everything, your stubbornness controls you. This allows you to assume that you’re perfect by focusing on the faults of others, which is especially true when you’re a teenager. So, I judged the girls in my class. I scoffed when they said they got up at 5 am to curly their hair for school; I commented about them wearing too much makeup or getting fake tans (BTW, white girls, go to tanning salons that don’t turn your skin orange); I rolled my eyes when they broke the school dress code or wore high heels to class; and, I disliked the girls who dated frequently. But, to be clear, I never openly hated these girls. I simply masked it with a sense of pity. “Oh, I feel sorry for her because [insert insult here].”

A Huge Leap of Faith

Nothing falls into place, you have to work constantly.

In mid-April I found out that I would be moving to Alamosa, Colorado. And, I was expected to start working in June. (Oh boy.) I felt overwhelmed with joy then consumed with anxiety.

My sister said being an adult is basically “taking huge leaps of faith then not knowing if it was the right decision.” Naturally, this stressed me out even more. I’d always had a clear vision of where I am supposed to be. From college to law school, I knew exactly what to expect from each decision. Luckily, my family continuously gave me a fall back – coming home.

It’s Okay, I Am Not Okay Too

Mental Health Awareness.

Hi, my dear readers.

I wanted to take a moment to say that’s it’s okay to: not be okay, to be okay, not be fine, and to be fine.

You’re not alone when tiny things trigger intense emotional reactions. And, these reactions feel like an emotional overload where stress, anxiety, fear and sadness spill over each other.